الأحد، 7 يونيو 2009

Carnival Crush Part 11 - The White Storage Room

The carnival ended and the worst part arrived: clean up time!

Fawaz and his two friends- whom I don’t know their names yet- talked to 5alty Nawal, and she agreed after a long conversation and discussion with them to check if they are serious about it.

I was so happy when I heard her tell them

“Ok, 3ayal… We’ll call you whenever our next carnival or big event comes near.”

I felt someone look at me from my left side, my heart was thumping inside.

What if it is S3ood?

I slowly turned around to see a 7an6awe boy standing near the enterance wearing white jeans and an Abercrombie black t-shirt.

He looked just like a model.

My knees couldn’t lift me, they were shaking.

I stared right into his eyes.

He was S3ood.


I quickly turned away and started walking toward Fawaz and his friends; there is no way S3ood could talk to me in front of them.


When I was walking to them, I turned and saw that S3ood completely ignored me and walked to his mom.

I’ve never seen his face this serious before, I felt so stupid, so guilty, and the whole situation felt so wrong.

My eyes got filled up with tears and I just stood in my place facing the enterance. I still have not reached Fawaz.

Someone is walking up in front of me, I don’t know who and I don’t care anyway.

“It’s okay.”

He was quiet for a moment, and when he saw that I didn’t respond, Fawaz continued,

“He is just surprised from what you said, it’s not that you said something wrong.”


I just stood in my place, still staring at the floor. Only now, I am crying. I cried and cried and cried. I didn’t care who was around me and I didn’t care who was watching me, I just cried quietly in my place.


“He’s not worth all that, Jood. I know him.”


I looked at Fawaz.... is he telling the truth?


“How do you know him?”


“Let’s just say, Kuwait is a very small country; everyone knows everyone. So…. Stop caring so much about him, damn it!”

He said those words very emotionally, then he looked at the floor too.

From the corner of my eyes, it was clear to me that he was very disappointed.

Why? Is it because I fell for the wrong guy, S3ood? Is S3ood a bad person? How? I mean, he was very helpful and kind to me in the first two days of the carnival. WAS IT ALL ACTING???

I was still looking at the floor, I lifted my head to look at Fawaz.

It was the first time I really, and I mean really look at him.

He was white, his eyes were beautiful; they were light brown and his lashes were about the same color. His hair is also light brown reflected the color of his white skin. I looked at his nose, it was perfect on him. It was not too straight, nor too round.


Just when I was about to really look in his face, he looked up at me still disappointed; his eyes full of pain and emotion, his eyebrows pulle down, and his lips sharp. I quickly looked away to my left. I saw S3ood there standing, he was looking at me.

Once he saw me turn to his side, he waved to me to come meet him in the storage room to have The Talk.

Fawaz saw it too, so he looked at me –still sad(I don’t know why)- and said:

“Good Luck” giving me a weak smile.


“Thanks” my voice shivering

I started walking towards the white, empty storage room.


I walked towards the storage room, heart thumping, hands shivering, teeth chattering, I was very terrified for no particular reason.

Was I afraid that my crush would admit his hatred toward me, or because….???

I don’t know….


I entered the storage room; it was white, everything about it was white. The walls, the ro5am, the ceiling was all plain white. There was no athath, nothing actually stored there, it was sooo freakishly empty.


I sat waiting for him to come.

The door slowly started to open, with the stupid squeaky sound ma3ah.

S3ood stood near the door, slowly pushing it again to close it, he was staring at me.... deeeep into my eyes.


Still watching me, he sat on the dusty floor leaning against the plain white wall, as I sat down too leaning against the wall he was facing.

I looked at the floor ashamed of myself.

He kept looking at me and looking back at the floor again.

This remained for a long minute until he finally decided to start the TALK himself:

His words came out slowly and clearly,

“What. The hell. Happened. That day?”


I didn’t answer him.

I was very guilty.

I started crying again.

He started playing with his lips nervously.

“You know,” he was still calm “I knew it from the very beginning. Ana kint mitradid on whether to talk to you or no, and now look what happened.” pause, “Jood, you know me, I am not that type of guy. I was not raised that way… neither were you!! This is what makes me even more surprised.” Pause... “your parents worked long and hard to raise you to become that perfect, innocent, girl. Kanaw yaboonich it9eeren ibnayya san3a, 3agla, thigeela, 3indaha a5la8 mo7tarama.” From this I got very mad, but I still looked at the floor. “Jood, why are you doing this? What’s going on, here?” Pause “Jood, listen to me, I am like your big brother. I can help you when you need me to, I can take care of you, protect you… not fall in love with you.” He paused a long moment then continued once more, “WEAN GA3DEEN A9LAN???? Fall in love, ha! Jood, tara walla i7na bilkuwait moo America oo hel 5arabee6.”


I hugged my knees to my chest and stared at my nails, I didn’t dare look at his face… MY BROTHER??? What the hell is he saying?

What kind of stupid, immature boy would say that to the girl that is madly in love with him for a lifetime?????

“oo, by the way, moo 5osh ga3da hathee tig3ideenha jiddami, tara ana rayyal, il mafrooth tita7ajjibean 3anni.’


At this, I looked at him, my eyes wide open really surprised.

I will NOT put my legs down, he is not my big brother….. THAT’S IT!!!!!

At that moment I exploded. I jumped on my feet and talked to him in an angry tone, almost yelling,



“SHINU??? Inta sami3 nafsik? Tadre ishga3a itgool???? Ma a9adgik s3ood, walla ma9dik. Inta wala ni9 ilrayal illi 3abali ihwa s3ood. Inta 7mar!! tadre shinu ya3ne 7mar?? ya3nee 7MAAAAAAAAAAR!!!”


He was more surprised than I was from myself.

I’m not the kind of person that screams and yells when they are angry,

I am usually tender and quiet.


“Jood, haddi a39abich, sh-hal 7achi allayhadach?”


“Tadre chem sina marret oo ana ma afakker illa feek? Tadree chem. Shahar mar oo ana bas an6er hel carnival 3ashan atjara2 a7acheek 3ashan bas asme3 9otik?? Tadree chem yom mar oo ana at3athab… AT3ATHAB… bas abe ashoof wayhik. Oo 3ogob kil hatha, KIL HATHA, tigoollii ana 7isbet i5tik? Minu inta a9lan???? La7tha, SHINU inta??? Sh-hal 7achee il ma9i5 illi itgoola?’


“Jood….- Jood….” But I wasn’t listening to him, I was too busy waving my hands

around angrily, dealing with too much emotions at one time.


“Tadree chem laila 7alamt feek?? Bas abii akoon wiyyak!! Oo itgoollii ana i5tik? Oo law, law kanet ‘3ashmara, ra7 itkoon abye5 oo athgel ‘3ashmara sim3t-ha ib 7ayatii!!!”



“Jood… sim3eenii…”



“S3ood, yimkin inta mala7ath-t, bas ana a7ibbik, oo awal marra a7ib sha59 halkithir. Ledarajat innii misti3ida asawy ay shay, AY SHAY, bas 3ashan ashoofik. Ana yanneat minnik, yanneaaaaaaaat. Oo ba3dain itgoollee inta o5ooy, oo kill hatha illi sawweata la2annik o5ooy? 5atheat ra8mi, 5ATHEAT RA8MII, la2annik o5ooy moo la2annik it7ibni, ya3ne kint taby ra8my la2anik it7ateeny oo 5ayif 3alay… Abaiiiiii!!”


Memories oo mawa8if started to float by… the ones I thought that were good memories turned out to be the worst..


“oo lamman shilt 3anni il karasii, la2annik o5ooy. Oo lamman kint tabii itwa55er ilhealeg illi kanaw yi’3azlooni, la2annik o5ooy??? Oo lamman-kint…-”


“JOOD” He grabbed both my arms and pushed them down, he looked me straight in the eyes to calm me down.

I was angry.

NO! I was furious because of all the days I wasted on him.

“Jood, bas sim3eeni, ok? Bas give me on minute, and then you can say all you want to the wall when I leave..”

JERK

“Jood, I’m sorry for everything, ok? It was a mistake that I talked to you in the first place-”

does he think I love him because I talked to him? Did he not listen to me? I first talked to him only 2 days ago. I loved him for years. Not normal love, insane love!


“I shouldn’t have done that-“


‘No, it’s not because-“


“What did I say?”


OMG! He’s even acting like a stupid older brother.



“Just let me finish ok? So, in my opinion, the solution is not to love each other and all these stupid things”



DID HE JUST SAY LOVE IS STUPID??? HE IS SUCH A FREAK!!!


“it’s to just put everything behind us and act like we don’t even know each other, ok? Remember ish7alatna the first carnival? Ma7ad yikallim ithani, kilmen ib shi’3la.. yeah! That’s how I think we should be right now, how about that?”



‘You know what??? FINE!”




I stubbornly left the white storage room crying.

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